The Dimmer Switch Effect: Feeling lonely despite being in a room full of people
The all-too-common passion death of the over-delivering people pleaser.
Have you ever felt irritatingly lonely despite spending 10+ hours surrounded by people? Welcome to my life right now…
I found myself reading a few things as I was trying to stay out of “work-mode” and on “me-mode”. Interestingly enough, a common thread of loneliness kept on appearing. I resonated deeply with one inparticular thought from Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman citing Carl Jung:
Read more from Dr. Kaufman by subscribing to his newsletter below 👇
So upon reading this, I had this thought…. What if we stopped, took a breath and realized that everything happening around us could be a direct reflection of what is going on inside? That’s what I think of as a dimmer switch in a room…
💡 The Concept
We can be surrounded by people yet feel like the light inside us has been dimmed.
That’s The Dimmer Switch Effect.
It’s when you’re physically in the room smiling, nodding, maybe even laughing…
but your mind and/or your soul feels like it’s standing outside the window, watching from afar…
Forget isolation; it’s about disconnection.
Something inside turns the brightness down on belonging,
and suddenly, everything… even joy… feels muted.
🧠 Why It Happens:
When we suppress parts of ourselves to fit in, perform, or protect,
we unconsciously twist that dimmer switch.
Our nervous system reads “unsafe,” (totally normal, btw… this is known as negative bias and helped keep us alive)
so we numb to survive instead of express to connect.
You’re not actually alone. You’re just disconnected from what resonates with you deeply.
Your light’s still on… it’s just softer, waiting for permission to walk back in to that ridiculously overused word we all hear far too much, authenticity.
Here’s how I turned the volume back up…
Notice it: regulate before you relate. I like breathing, but you can try writing, breathing, or just being still.
Name it: “I feel unseen right now.” That’s enough to shift the charge.
Seek resonance, avoid noise: This is where you get to choose depth over distractions. Make the plan.
Create: music, words, movement… anything that lets you dance to your own tune again.
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re stranded on an island without a hope in hell in getting off, maybe it’s time to get real with yourself… Notice what’s coming up, name it, make a game plan and execute it through creation. Gimme a holler if you need a hand with any of that.
It’s what I do. 👇
